Twenty-Three

In a small quiet house, in a small quiet town

A boy found the body of old lady Brown

The people had called the woman a witch

And they said her soul was as black as pitch

But she couldn't cast spells - she knew no magic

Her secrets were more sinister, more evil,  more tragic

She knew a great deal about science and medicine

And poison and hallucinogens to make your head spin

Twenty-three husbands in twenty-three years

Every single one had mysteriously disappeared

And, can you guess what they found in the basement dirt?

That's right, some jars, a pipe, and an old flannel shirt

Oh yeah, and twenty-three skulls

My Exclusive Interview with Bigfoot

I received a phone call during dinner last night.  I assumed the caller must have been one of my favorite cryptids:  the legendary Sasquatch!  I took the opportunity to ask the big guy a few questions and try to get a sense of what it must be like to walk in those giant shoes.

Given the shrinking area of natural places on earth and the encroachment of more and more humans into your habitat, How have you remained so elusive?

Bigfoot:  Mr. Wagner, we're calling with important information that could save you over 10 percent on..

Just answer the question.

Bigfoot:  ...sorry?  I am calling with an opportunity to save up to 10 percent on your landscaping and...

How do you avoid being photographed in a world where everyone has a camera in their phone, and satellites are constantly mapping out every nook and cranny of our planet?

Bigfoot:  You should know that we specialize in both weed and pest control and have a customer satisfaction rating of...


Are you related to the Yeti of the Himalayan Mountains?

Bigfoot:  We also have some great new products...

How about Nessie from Loch Ness? 

Bigfoot: ...huh?

Ha ha...Just kidding.  So I just have one more question.  Do you prefer Bigfoot or Sasquatch?
Hello? ...Hello?

The Real Rock

When I need a boost of positive energy, 1950's rock and roll is at the top of the list. 

 Ready Teddy

One of Those Days

Our basement flooded last night.  Luckily, I didn't have anything better to do with my time.

Closet Sloth.

I have a shipment of three-toed sloths arriving this weekend. They will stay in our closets...for now.


I'm not being lazy...just busy.  I'll post something cool on this blog someday.  That's my promise to you.  

A Sneak Peak

A couple months ago, I was invited to take part in a very cool story anthology for kids.  The contributors are an amazing and talented group with diverse and imaginative story-telling styles.  I've been able to watch their stories develop and the illustrations "come to life" in our creators forum.  I am truly honored to be part of the group.  We are self-publishing the book through Ka-Blam, which is a print-on-demand / distribution service.  The book will be released this fall and I will be posting a lot of cool stuff about the stories, creators, processes, and other information as the release date gets closer.

In the meantime, here is a page from my story, "A Roar and a Squeak".  I am still cleaning up and tweaking the illustration, but you can get the overall idea of what I'm trying for.

 

Here is the text:

There is a place that is green and sticky and wild. 

It is a forgotten place where monkards swing from the branches above, and the air sizzles and pops as a crackle cat chases down a stingrat. 

The forest is bursting with a whirling flurry of life.   Until...

Fish