Zombie! Magnet (Large) Day 003 of 365 Etsy Items

This colorful and silly zombie head is approximately 10" tall with a full magnetic back. Free shipping in U.S.

denverwagner.etsy.com

Salt and Pepper...DONE!!!!

Here is the "cover" for my contribution to BOO!: Spooky Tales for Kids. I will spend the next week or so on the book's layout and bio pages. The contributors did an AMAZING job. I couldn't find a book that combined my love of horror, art, and kid's stories, so I asked for one...and it is AWESOME! Stay tuned to find out where you can order a copy. It will be available this October.

Story Page Wednesday #3: Cthulhu Wants You!

Turkey, Pilgrims, and Zombies!

We had a great Thanksgiving. I am so thankful for the wonderful people in my life.  I am especially thankful for my wife, who puts up with my cuckoo crazy mind and tries to understand my urgent need to empty it.

I am the proud father of probably the coolest 5 year old in the whole world.  She knows who Cthulhu is.  She likes the 1931 Frankenstein.  And the subject she chose for our Thanksgiving sketch was Zombies.  Here are our drawings:

 

This is mine.

This is my nephew's. I especially like how the leg rotted off.

And this is my daughter's.  A pretty dynamic pose for a 5 year old.

My niece made a funny save the turkey sign. No zombie turkeys, though. She is writing and illustrating a book. Here are some of her character designs:



She is starting to learn about digital coloring.  I think she will have a finished book in 2011! Very cool.



I'd like to meet his tailor

Do you remember that time your boyfriend said that he had a big secret to tell you, and you thought he was going to propose to you?  Silly girl.

Bedroom Eyes

One crouched in a tenebrous corner of the bedroom. The thing's arms and legs were too long and it wrapped them around its scrawny body. Its bulbous head was covered in tiny bumps and valleys. It was the color, texture, and smell of rotten cauliflower. Two glossy black marble eyes were fixed on the end of fleshy stalks that protruded from each side of the head.  Four more beady eyes glared forward into the darkness.  A huge gaping mouth filled with needle teeth stretched across the whole lower half of the foot wide head.  It was tangled mess on the verge of pouncing.

 And it cackled. 

The Gargoyle Goblin

The Gargoyle Goblin is a character from Morgan MonsterHunter & the Crypto Kid.  In this story,  he threatens to devour Morgan's pet mouse, Fuzzbutt.  In the end, Morgan tricks the Gargoyle Goblin into a eating a zhu zhu pet, leaving Fuzzbutt safe and happy.  

Yes,  much of this plot came from a 5-year old's head.

Hey, Teenage Girls. Enough with all the mummies.

My Exclusive Interview with Bigfoot

I received a phone call during dinner last night.  I assumed the caller must have been one of my favorite cryptids:  the legendary Sasquatch!  I took the opportunity to ask the big guy a few questions and try to get a sense of what it must be like to walk in those giant shoes.

Given the shrinking area of natural places on earth and the encroachment of more and more humans into your habitat, How have you remained so elusive?

Bigfoot:  Mr. Wagner, we're calling with important information that could save you over 10 percent on..

Just answer the question.

Bigfoot:  ...sorry?  I am calling with an opportunity to save up to 10 percent on your landscaping and...

How do you avoid being photographed in a world where everyone has a camera in their phone, and satellites are constantly mapping out every nook and cranny of our planet?

Bigfoot:  You should know that we specialize in both weed and pest control and have a customer satisfaction rating of...


Are you related to the Yeti of the Himalayan Mountains?

Bigfoot:  We also have some great new products...

How about Nessie from Loch Ness? 

Bigfoot: ...huh?

Ha ha...Just kidding.  So I just have one more question.  Do you prefer Bigfoot or Sasquatch?
Hello? ...Hello?

Purple Cthulhu: The Politically Correct Super Villain

Purple Cthulhu released a recorded statement to several media outlets late last night.  The speech was widely praised for it's non-discriminatory and politically correct language.  In his trademark raspy, gurgling grunts, Purple Cthulhu was very clear about his loathing for each and every human being on Earth.  In a touching moment of unbiased maniacal rambling, Purple Cthulhu said, 

"Purple Cthulhu does not care about your race, religion, or sex.  Purple Cthulhu does not care about your wealth, education, or your social status.  Purple Cthulhu does not care about your history,  your region, or your politics.  You all crawl like bugs!  Purple Cthulhu laughs at your simple monkey brains.  Ha Ha Ha!  I will drive you all insane! I will crush all humans!..except for the Moody Blues.  I just like them..."

Me too, Purple Cthulhu.  Me too.

Pink Eye!

 It nevereverevereverever stops.   If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about.

Spawn of Cthulhu

The Cthulhu's are proud to announce the arrival of their first indescribable monstrosity.  They are registered at Baby's R Us, Pottery Barn Kids, and Target, or you can just sign over your mind and soul now. Bwaa Ha Hahaha Ha Ha!

Bride of Cthulhu

Isn't she lovely?  Congratulations, Cthulhu!  

Octobuddy

An octobuddy must be very careful when it scratches an itch. Thousands of octobuddies pop themselves every year. That is not enough! The octobuddy invasion has been devastating. It's estimated that 97% of the world's population has fallen under molluscular consciousness. If you are reading this post, know that you are not alone. There are others like you and we are stockpiling pointy things, too. Earth will be ours again!

Illustration Friday: Muddy

Zombies love the soft muddy ground following a rain storm. They also love brains.

The Testimony of Sheriff Lewis Brown

"The Dundersford widow came to me with a story so absurd, that it sounded like it came right out of one of those silly old tales by them Grimm brothers. As a matter of fact, I remember telling the old bird to sell off those last few cows and go into the business of writing scary stories for the local tots!

Well, Mrs. Dundersford said that that lunatic up on the hill, Frankenstein, was up to no good. She called him “Doctor” and said that he was up there playing with dead folks and parts of dead folks. She said he was making the dead come to life!

So I says to myself, Frankenstein may be a lunatic, but he ain’t no doctor. If he’s got cadaver’s up there, he didn’t get ‘em legally. The widow probably just saw the nut playing with some store mannequins or something. Who knows what that weirdo is into, but I told her I’d go up to check it out, anyways.

So of course, it was dark and stormy as I headed up to question Frankenstein. I arrived at his door, soaked to the bone, and slammed the giant knocker three times. There was more lightning than I’d ever seen. Finally the door creaked open and Frankenstein peeked out. "Let me in, you fool!" I tried to shout through chattering teeth. I showed my badge and he reluctantly pulled the door open.

I told him what the Dundersford widow had reported to me. Frankenstein looked shocked at first. Then his mouth curled into a frenzied toothy grin. “That crazy old bat,” he laughed. “she’s got it all wrong! None of them have come to life...yet. But, tonight”, he laughed some more. “TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!”

Frankenstein grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the stairs. “Come up, Come up!” he shouted. “Witness the miracle! Witness my genius!” We entered an upstairs bedroom. It was disgusting. The room was covered with blood and gristle and flies. A vaguely human shaped monstrosity laid across the bed. Body parts were not so skillfully sewn together like some sort of puzzle from hell. Wind and rain blew in from the open window above the bed. A long and twisted metal wire wound in through the window and wrapped around one of the bed posts.

Well, the next few minutes were kind of a blur. I remember a flash of lightning and a static crackle across the bed. Then the thing starts to move! It sits up and looks at me.

"Daddy?" it says.

I was down those stairs and out the door in a flash. I ran down the hill and I turned to see if the thing was following. It was almost right on top of me! It reached for me with it's decaying yellow-green hands when, suddenly, it was attacked from the side by the biggest derned wolf I've ever seen. I stared in shock for a moment, then turned and ran home. I heard howling all night long.

I couldn't believe it. I'd been saved by one of those good-fer-nuthin, pain-in-my-ear wolves!"

.- Lewis Brown (May 12, 1954)

One month later, under a full moon, Sheriff Brown was killed by a werewolf/Frankenstein monster hybrid.

the end

got blood?

Huck Finn / Chris Oatley's Artcast

I listen to a ton of podcasts. I have links for some of my favorite art related podcasts in the column to the right under "cool places". Art & Story, Escape from Illustration Island, Ninja Mountain, and Big Illustration Party Time are all great. I'm thankful for all the time and effort the hosts put into these shows. They are entertaining, informative, and inspiring and make the day job go a little faster and feel more productive.

Chris Oatley's Artcast is really great. He has a down-to-earth personality, and an inclusive, genuinely positive attitude. He is building a community of like-minded people through his blog, podcast, and other networking sites. About a month ago, he posted his first assignment.

The assignment consisted of designing a character that combined classic literature with horror. I had a lot of fun playing around with the concept, (I was close to settling on a vampire/Piggy from Lord of the Flies) when the combo of Gillman/Huckleberry Finn crossed my mind. Get it?It's an obvious pun, and I won't be surprised if other Huck Finns show up. (I am excited to see the rest of the submissions!) I wanted my design to have the look and feel of a classic 1950's era Looney Toon, which I think are some of the funniest cartoons of all time.

Part of the assignment was to call the listener line and leave a message about the piece, which I did. Dorkily. Oh well.

Banshee

The banshee has the appearance of a young woman. It is sickly thin creature and it’s pale skin is nearly translucent. The banshee has a long skinny neck and long, boney arms and legs. It wears a raggedy, tattered dress. The long reddish-brown hair blows constantly even in the calmest air. The banshee fades in and out of sight as it roams the countryside, it's head down and stricken with grief.

One may feel pity for this poor, pathetic creature. Until they hear it scream. The banshee’s scream can be heard, usually following a death, from over ten miles away. Imagine a crow’s call, a bagpipe, and a screaming woman combined at ear-splitting decibels and you'll have an idea of how terrifying the banshee's call sounds .


To actually see a banshee in mid-scream is horrifying. It’s hair stands straight out from the head. It’s skeleton seems to almost glow through the pale skin. The sunken eyes flash an eerie yellow and it’s jaw drops allowing the gaping mouth to open incredibly wide. The banshee’s whole body locks into a rigor mortis curl through-out the scream.

Great Uncle Boris

I was telling my daughter a bedtime story a few weeks ago with Dr. Frankenstein and his monster as the villains. She liked the story, so last weekend I asked her if she wanted to watch Frankenstein the movie. I thought she would probably get bored within a few minutes, but she loved it! We immediately watched Bride of Frankenstein. Now, of course, she wants more and I just happen to own the Frankenstein Legacy Collection, which also includes Son of Frankenstein, Ghost of Frankenstein, and House of Frankenstein. (None of which I've had time to watch yet , so we can experience them together for the first time.) There probably aren't many four year old girls who like black and white horror movies from the 30's and 40's. But there's one for sure, and I'm lucky to know her!