Mrs. Brobender's so-called "basilisk"

This is my submission for C.O.W. #153: lean, mean, and green.

Mrs. Brobender's so-called "basilisk"

The man was executed for the rape and murder of thirteen women. His wife had stood by him throughout the trial. Now she was afraid and alone. She remained on their small farm but the work proved to be too much for the poor old woman so she tried to sell off the animals.

No one was interested in these”cursed” animals and they quickly began to die off. Finally, all that was left was a plump healthy hen. It had remained so fat by eating the other animals as they died. Now the old woman brought the hen into the house and shared her bed with it.

On the anniversary of the man's execution, the hen began pushing out egg after egg. As it came to the thirteenth egg, the hen squawked and squealed. The egg it was trying to push out was enormous. It screamed like a woman. The old woman was terrified.

Finally, the egg emerged. It was gigantic- the size of a man’s head. It was green and brownish pink and covered in lumpy black warts. It bore the image of her husband’s head. The chicken, which had nearly split in two, looked the old woman in the eyes and died.

The egg immediately began to roll and shake. It built in momentum and slammed into the bedroom wall. The “basilisk” emerged. The tiny creature began to grow. It ate the old woman.

The whole story is a bunch of rubbish, of course. The creature was clearly a common cockatrice.

Freedom Part 2

Freedom Part 1

I love to make abstract paintings when I want to relax. They are relatively unplanned which is very liberating. I can move fast and use large and rough strokes. It's a loud and messy process and it feels great. It's similar to playing drums. I use palette knives and brushes that leave a thick texture. As the paint dries, I move on to another canvas. I usually work on three to five pieces at a time. I have a long work bench in my basement where I line up the canvases. I move back and forth as they dry, building layers of paint. Acrylic paint works great because it dries fast. To me, these pieces are the definition of "happy accidents".

Classic Tales of Terror

Cthulhu

Can't find any time to read? I hear you, brothers and sisters. I've found that audio books can help. I've listened to a ton of them over the years. I listen in the car, while doing chores around the house, while I'm painting , or any time I'm doing some no-brainer task. I'm also lucky enough to have times at work that don't require strict concentration. In other words, I've caught up on a lot of reading while still getting the day to day stuff done. The library system where I live is a great resource for audio books. I don't waste alot of time perusing the shelves. I request a book that I want online and it's shipped to the library of my choice.

Librivox.org is an awesome site. http://librivox.org/newcatalog/ They have a huge catalog of mp3s that you can download for free. It's all public domain literature. Not all the readers are great(some definitely are!) but most are tolerable.

Here are some recommendations that I found at Librivox.org:

• The Turn of the Screw by Henry James
• Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
• Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (this was adapted by Francis Ford Coppola in 1979's Apocalypse Now)
• The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Short stories by:

• Algernon Blackwood
• Ambrose Bierce
• Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
• M.R. James (especially Ghost Stories of an Antiquary read by Peter Yearsley)
• Edgar Allen Poe
• H.P. Lovecraft (where our friend Cthulhu comes from)
• Saki (H.H. Munro)

....and so much more! Do some digging. It's worth the time.

Hilda Meyermeister and the Goat

Hilda Meyermeister had a small farm out in the Boonies. The farm had a small grey house and a small grey barn with a small grey goat named Goat. Everyday Hilda would milk Goat. One day they died.

The animals on the farm and in the surrounding woods never noticed. They still see Hilda stroll out to the barn every morning and milk Goat. But Squirrel sees that the barn and house are falling apart. The whole farm has been overgrown with weeds. Can Squirrel convince the other animals that Hilda and Goat are actually ghosts? No he can't. Nobody listens to squirrels. Especially ghost squirrels. WOooO ooo OO OOOooo!

These are vector based character designs. Which means they are created with points and lines to form simple shapes. The advantage of vector drawings is they are scalable to any size without any loss in quality. They are made of mathematical paths, not pixels. They are often used for company logos, signs, vehicle graphics, illustration, and other objects that have to be resized frequently.

Skinless Jim

Measles make you bumpy
And mumps'll make you lumpy
And chicken pox'll make you jump and twitch
A common cold'll fool ya
And whooping cough can cool ya
But poison ivy, Lord'll make you itch!!
-The Coasters

Fun weekend on the Wisconsin River
Hell Rash on my arms and face...BOOO!
My right eye is swollen shut and my cheek and eyelids are puffy. My wife asked me if I'd ever seen the movie Mask. Here I am suffering with a big puffy head and she wants to talk about movies.

It did get me thinking of David Lynch's 1980 film The Elephant Man. Heartbreaking and heartwarming:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye4YTZOq2fk

Teething in the Jungle

Here are two paintings I did for the Super Shrimp's room. He points at them and then laughs when I make the sound of that animal. (I've gotten pretty good at animal noises over the last few years.) He's having a massive invasion of incoming teeth. The pain is keeping him up at night. Poor little guy.

Ting Tang Wolla Wolla Bing Bang

Did I just hear on the radio-Motorhead is coming to town with Reverend Horton Heat opening-weird, cool, yeah! Here's what I submitted for Creature of the Week over at Conceptart.org: #152 half a pound of evil.

Whisper demons are supernatural creatures that are often kept as familiars by the “witch doctors” of the deepest jungles of Africa. They are vicious little monsters and are used to carry out the witch doctors’ curses. Their method of attack is to whisper in their victim’s ear as he/she sleeps. It is not known what exactly they say, but it causes the victim to scream and tear their own face and throat apart. There is no record of any survivor of a whisper demon attack.

Do Do Do Looking Out My Back Door

High of 68 tomorrow. The family goes back to school and daycare on Monday. Autumn is coming. I took the above photo out our front door last fall.

I love natural and organic design. There are wonderful lines and shapes in nature. I always feel content when I am surrounded by woods. I can spend hours absorbing nature photography and artwork. I did a whole series of abstract paintings inspired by natural forms.

Here are a few examples:




This is a clip from the documentary Rivers and Tides. It is a film about Andy Goldsworthy's wonderful work. He alters the world using only naturally found things and then lets nature do what it will. It's awe inspiring to see the time and effort put into the pieces and then to watch the "life" and eventual destruction of them over time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9TyHzP-8b8

The Geek Show: Making T-Shirts

T-shirts are expensive and cheesy. So I made my own that were not expensive. Still cheesy. We have been experimenting with a new material at my work. It's made for applying copy and graphics to awning fabric. I've been fitting some of my designs into scrap areas to apply to some shirts. The current job required white copy so that's what I used.

Here's how they turned out:

If Columbo Was An Aardvark

"Aahhh, One more thing, Ma'am. I see you use Antco Sugar Cubes in your beet juice. My wife, she doesn't add any sweetener. Do you buy your sugar cubes from the Piggly Wiggly or did your husband have it delivered? Your husband, he had some substantial stock in Antco, didn't he? And you were the primary beneficiary of his various investments? Aahhh, I don't know, sometimes I just like a little sweetener in my drinks. Thanks for your time, Ma'am."

We went to the local farmer's market last Saturday. Every third Saturday crafters and artists also display. Lot's of cool stuff. There was one couple who were really nice and they made the coolest little stuffed monsters. They use vintage fabrics and they have a really unique look. We didn't have enough cash on us but I took a card, and we will get one (or more!). They are setting up an account on Etsy.com and they call the company Monsters and Things. I'll try to get in touch with them and see if I can get a photo and contact info to put on my blog. Also, I'm sad that sugar snap season is over.

I've been working on C.O.W. # 152: half a pound of evil. I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish by Friday, but I'll try. Here's a rough:

Jumping Cat Number 232

Scene from Hell Toilet

Suspenseful, eerie music. Looming shadows. A young girl all alone.

“Is somebody there?” she asks.

REARRROWEOW! A cat jumps out from a trash can.

Does this scene sound familiar? That was me in the 1984 film, Voodoo House of Death. Hi. My name is Jasper Milkstash and from 1983 through 1991 I have played the jumping cat in two hundred and thirty two feature films. Come on down to SchlockCon this weekend at The Chetco Expo Center where you can meet me, along with Crowd Zombie #9, “Sorority Girl” (the snobby one who takes her shirt off) from Slash Or Be Slashed, and the theremin player from The Return of the Space Mummy’s Brain of Evil 3. Be there.

............................................copyright Jumpin' Jasper Productions 2009

The Bachelorette 2032