Twenty-Three

In a small quiet house, in a small quiet town

A boy found the body of old lady Brown

The people had called the woman a witch

And they said her soul was as black as pitch

But she couldn't cast spells - she knew no magic

Her secrets were more sinister, more evil,  more tragic

She knew a great deal about science and medicine

And poison and hallucinogens to make your head spin

Twenty-three husbands in twenty-three years

Every single one had mysteriously disappeared

And, can you guess what they found in the basement dirt?

That's right, some jars, a pipe, and an old flannel shirt

Oh yeah, and twenty-three skulls

My Exclusive Interview with Bigfoot

I received a phone call during dinner last night.  I assumed the caller must have been one of my favorite cryptids:  the legendary Sasquatch!  I took the opportunity to ask the big guy a few questions and try to get a sense of what it must be like to walk in those giant shoes.

Given the shrinking area of natural places on earth and the encroachment of more and more humans into your habitat, How have you remained so elusive?

Bigfoot:  Mr. Wagner, we're calling with important information that could save you over 10 percent on..

Just answer the question.

Bigfoot:  ...sorry?  I am calling with an opportunity to save up to 10 percent on your landscaping and...

How do you avoid being photographed in a world where everyone has a camera in their phone, and satellites are constantly mapping out every nook and cranny of our planet?

Bigfoot:  You should know that we specialize in both weed and pest control and have a customer satisfaction rating of...


Are you related to the Yeti of the Himalayan Mountains?

Bigfoot:  We also have some great new products...

How about Nessie from Loch Ness? 

Bigfoot: ...huh?

Ha ha...Just kidding.  So I just have one more question.  Do you prefer Bigfoot or Sasquatch?
Hello? ...Hello?

The Real Rock

When I need a boost of positive energy, 1950's rock and roll is at the top of the list. 

 Ready Teddy

One of Those Days

Our basement flooded last night.  Luckily, I didn't have anything better to do with my time.

Closet Sloth.

I have a shipment of three-toed sloths arriving this weekend. They will stay in our closets...for now.


I'm not being lazy...just busy.  I'll post something cool on this blog someday.  That's my promise to you.  

A Sneak Peak

A couple months ago, I was invited to take part in a very cool story anthology for kids.  The contributors are an amazing and talented group with diverse and imaginative story-telling styles.  I've been able to watch their stories develop and the illustrations "come to life" in our creators forum.  I am truly honored to be part of the group.  We are self-publishing the book through Ka-Blam, which is a print-on-demand / distribution service.  The book will be released this fall and I will be posting a lot of cool stuff about the stories, creators, processes, and other information as the release date gets closer.

In the meantime, here is a page from my story, "A Roar and a Squeak".  I am still cleaning up and tweaking the illustration, but you can get the overall idea of what I'm trying for.

 

Here is the text:

There is a place that is green and sticky and wild. 

It is a forgotten place where monkards swing from the branches above, and the air sizzles and pops as a crackle cat chases down a stingrat. 

The forest is bursting with a whirling flurry of life.   Until...

Fish

The Boy Who Grew a City

I am selfish and egotistical.  I need to change this.

Purple Cthulhu: The Politically Correct Super Villain

Purple Cthulhu released a recorded statement to several media outlets late last night.  The speech was widely praised for it's non-discriminatory and politically correct language.  In his trademark raspy, gurgling grunts, Purple Cthulhu was very clear about his loathing for each and every human being on Earth.  In a touching moment of unbiased maniacal rambling, Purple Cthulhu said, 

"Purple Cthulhu does not care about your race, religion, or sex.  Purple Cthulhu does not care about your wealth, education, or your social status.  Purple Cthulhu does not care about your history,  your region, or your politics.  You all crawl like bugs!  Purple Cthulhu laughs at your simple monkey brains.  Ha Ha Ha!  I will drive you all insane! I will crush all humans!..except for the Moody Blues.  I just like them..."

Me too, Purple Cthulhu.  Me too.

Pink Eye!

 It nevereverevereverever stops.   If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about.

Psssst! Wanna buy an illustration?

Here's the updated front page of my portfolio website: denverwagner.com It is similar to the previous page with a few more characters added.   I am also having the image printed on postcards to mail out to art directors and other potential clients / customers. 

I have a few fun projects going on right now...but I really need some paying gigs.  Keep me in mind if you come across someone who could use some SUPER FUN and COOL ILLUSTRATIONS for their products, stories, advertisements, decorations, brochures, cards, campaigns, concept designs, signs, magazines, events, t-shirt designs, posters, album art, comics, cartoons, games, educational materials, books, tattoos, stickers, murals, etc.

I still  have free bowls of home-made chili that I will ship as a finder's fee to anyone who points potential customers my way.  (I recommend purchasing a lid for better delivery results.  They come in blue or tan and are only $10.95 + shipping and handling)

How would you like your corruption?

My interest in politics is at an all-time low.  We have two major political parties who think their job is to reward contributors and demean the people and ideas from the other side.  It is a ridiculous waste of my time to follow along.  Of course I have my opinions and leanings, and of course there are politicians with good intentions and a powerful drive for positive change, but the hypocrite ratio in government is outrageous:  greed, waste, scandal, corruption, and hatred. Yee Ha!.  Anyone who is relying on the government to provide their happiness and success will be disappointed.  Do yourself and the rest of the country a favor:  Be productive.  Be creative.  Be informed.  Be thoughtful.  Be compassionate.  BE HAPPY!

The End is Near! or I'll have the grape one.

Limey

Moony, Mr. Mint

The Gentleman, Bruiser, Blue Bear

Fever, Fuzz Nut, Ale, Bing

Mouse in the House

This little guy was inspired by some recent podcasts over at Art & Story Supreme.  Kevin Cross and Mark Rudolph have been discussing their love for the "cartoon modern" style of 1950's animation and design.  It is a style that uses simple shapes and as few lines as possible.  It is much harder to pull off than it sounds!  It is easy to "hide" a bad drawing in lots of lines and shading.  There is no place to hide in the cartoon modern style. 

Spawn of Cthulhu

The Cthulhu's are proud to announce the arrival of their first indescribable monstrosity.  They are registered at Baby's R Us, Pottery Barn Kids, and Target, or you can just sign over your mind and soul now. Bwaa Ha Hahaha Ha Ha!

Rubabutu Rain Bird

In 1867, Charles Willoughby III discovered the rubabutu rain bird deep in the forgotten forest.  Willoughby couldn't have picked a more inappropriate name for the little creature.  It is not a bird and it hates getting wet.  Willoughby was mauled and killed two years later by another one of his foolishly named discoveries...the gentle love ape.

Goob & Boog

These guys just showed up on my blog this morning.  Not sure what their intentions are but I like their names. 

The Future of a Future Kindergartener

My daughter is starting to get excited for kindergarten next fall. She told me,

"School is fun, but you have to go to work."

There are so many things I want to teach my children. Obviously, I haven't painted the idea of "work" in a very positive light. A five year old should not already expect work to be a "but". Kids should be playing and learning and dreaming. I want my children to know how awesome it is to be a kid. I also want them to know how awesome it is to be a grown-up. The loves and interests of childhood can remain into adulthood, where they can become even more powerful and meaningful with an understanding and experienced eye.  Work can be the fulfillment of dreams. I pray for the time and the wisdom to communicate this bit of truth to my children (and with a little luck and a lot of hard work, I intend to be their example!)

Go get 'em, kids. (In 20 years!)

I recently listened to Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" .   He gave this inspiring speech titled "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" 10 months before he died from cancer.   He left behind a wife and three very young children.   Nobody should have time for "reality" television or a negative attitude.

Night of the Axolotl

I had one of these when I was in school. They called it a "water dog" at the pet store. When it grew too big for my bed, I released it in the sewer. It grew and grew and ate a beauty queen, a pack of stoned teenagers, and the mayor before it was finally captured. The whole town was pretty angry with me. Luckily, they never traced that face-ripper demon back to me.

Wild Willie Wylde

This is a character from Morgan Monster Hunter and the Crypto Kid. Wild Willie Wylde is Morgan's grandfather. His ghost appears to Morgan with a warning of the upcoming monster apocalypse. Morgan thinks she dreamt the vision but soon realizes it was real. Wild Willie visits Morgan throughout the story with advice, warnings, and a joke or two.

............................................................................................................................................................

He is one cool cat and was an important player in rock and roll's early years. He toured with Little Richard, Chuck Berry, and Jerry Lee Lewis, and played bass guitar on legendary tracks by Elvis Presley, Fats Domino, Johnny Burnette and dozens of others.

Kiwi

I am working on a series. The idea is to have a background of sliced fruit that has the same name as the bird in the foreground. Here is the first one: Kiwi.

And this concludes the series. Thanks for following along!

Bananaman

Nien-nos and A-guhngh guhng guhngs

Living with a toddler requires a lot of investigation and translation.  My son's favorite animals are "nien-no"s and "a-guhngh guhng guhng"s.  A "nien-no" is easy enough to figure out...he means rhino. But without the picture above, you would probably never guess that an "a-guhngh guhng guhng" is a penguin. How did "penguin" become "a-guhngh guhng guhng"? My wife figured it out. A penguin waddles so we say "waddle, waddle, waddle" when we see one at the zoo or in a picture. So he is really trying to say "waddle, waddle, waddle" which is what he thinks a penguin is called.  He also rocks his head from side to side when he says it, looking very geeky and adorable.

The Fool

Man-Eating Flowers

This is a 16" x 20" oil pastel piece that we hung on our daughter's wall when she was a baby.  I like to build layers with oil pastels and then scratch out areas.  This is a technique my mother taught me when I was probably five or six years old.  I still think it is as fun and cool as I did back then.  Also, my mom discovered this blog a couple months ago and she said it was "awesome".  So there!

Spontaneous Sproutings

I don't know why this guy looks so freaked out.  I'd love to spontaneously sprout six new arms.  Wait....maybe they are evil arms.  Hmmm...I'd like to sprout six helpful extra arms...and a smarter brain.  Then I could think gooder while I make stuff with all them arms.

The Forgotten Wildlife: Crockens

Crockens love the ferny undergrowth of Nufsed's steam fog forests.  They spring forth with amazing speed and agility to eat almost any passing creature, including the other predatory "eaters" of the forest.  All creatures fear crockens, but many also rely on crockens for their survival.  Crocken eggs are the main source of nutrition for dozens of the forest's inhabitants. The crocken deposits ten to twenty "eater eggs" for every fertilized egg that it lays.  Even the males lay these watermelon sized "eater eggs".  An acre of crocken territory can have up to 25,000 crocken eggs on it's floor.  Crockens like to keep their prey close and fat.  Ahhh, the circle of life.

Happy

A one and a half year old's babbling may be the funniest sound on earth. 

 I recently read The Element by Sir Ken Robinson.  Here is the gist of it:  "The Element is the point at which natural talent meets personal passion. When people arrive at the Element, they feel most themselves, most inspired, and achieve at their highest levels."

The book digs deep into the current state of eduction, the job market, and society in general, and lays out many great examples on how people with creative minds and attitudes are, and will continue to be the ones who come out ahead in life. I found it relevant for my life, but even more so for my children's future.

Creative problem solving and artistic expression are not  high priorities in most schools, but children don't live in schools.  Parents should make creativity an important part of home life. It promotes an additional way of thinking, which will be beneficial no matter what direction your child takes with his/her future.  Plus creating is fun for kids and parents alike.

A dinosaur can eat up to five twinkies a day!

Good!  The internet is still here.  I just got back from a week of family vacation in Florida.  We had a super time in the sun at Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, and SeaWorld.  I didn't get as much sketching and writing / problem-solving done as I had hoped, but the relaxation and time spent with my family was awesome.  It is difficult for me to concentrate on creative projects when I'm having fun and exciting experiences and watching the fascination and happiness on my children's faces.  I'm sure all of the awesome art and design work from inside the parks has been planted in my subconscious mind for later use.  The week helped refresh my noggin and I hope the plot problems I'm having will be resolved soon. 

At least half of my day job consists of no-brain, monotonous tasks.  This would probably drive most people crazy, but I've come to realize just how important this time is for developing personal projects .  I get my work done while being able to solve plot issues, develop stories and characters, fill in story details, and plan other aspects of my own projects.  Time for writing and artwork is hard to come by in a house with a growing family.  At least I have a day job that allows some time alone to work through project issues, so when I do find a few minutes or an hour at home, I can immediately "put pencil to paper".

And I've learned that the fossilized remains of an ultrasaur was found with a stomach full of Twinkies.  I just had one (a Twinkie not an ultrasaur) and they are not as good as I remembered.

Alleluia Abstracts

These four abstracts were created from the Praise painting that I posted on Easter. The only alterration that I made is the orientation. Simple mirror images placed side by side can often create some pretty cool designs. I've been fooling around with this trick on my paintings for years and I am still surprised by many of the results.  Sometimes computers are really fun!

Guess Where I Am

Praise!

Happy Easter!

Look, Kids! The Mantas Are Back!

Teenage Truths!

Here are some pages from one of my high school sketch books.

Though looking back at old work is sometimes embarrassing, it can also be rewarding to see the development and improvement over time. I remember thinking that these pages were pretty deep back in the day. Ha ha! The scary thing is, I know I'll look back in the same way at all the ridiculous things said and created on this blog.

I guess that's just life...cringe, wince, repeat.

All Day & All of the Night

Me, Me, Me

I've decided to take this blog in a different direction. Rather than focusing on creativity, story-telling, and art, I'll be filling you in on the minutiae of my day. For example, I didn't have cereal for breakfast this morning. I had some dried fruit. Let's see, there were apples, pineapple, peaches, and even some kiwi. I was a little disappointed that all the dried mango and papaya was already gone, and I have to remember to buy more bananas for the next batch.  Beyond that, it's been a pretty typical morning. I hit two green lights on my ride to our daycare provider. That probably saved me 3 or 4 minutes! I'll stop and get some gas after work today and I'm looking forward to a night of television.

I also want to up the ranting by about 80-90%. I'll mostly be pushing my political and religious views, but I'll have special posts that focus on my road rage and clever names that I make up for all the incompetent people I encounter on a daily basis. If that’s not enough for you, I’ll be ranting on facebook and twitter as well. I hope you enjoy my blog's new direction!

Coming Soon: Morgan Monster Hunter

What's the Word?

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird

B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

A-well-a don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

-The Trashmen

 

 

Garage rock will change your life if you let it. Here's a great place to start.  Little Steven's Underground Garage

The Day Job Lament or The Ballad of One Smart Otter

One cloud covered day the otter realized

That staying in his burrow would not be wise

The burrow was taking a toll on his soul

So he skip scampered away leaving only a hole

Then the sun broke through the clouds up above

And the otter spent his life doing the things that he loved

The Raspberry Gnome

I've been putting a lot of time into a graphic novel version of Morgan Monster Hunter & the Crypto Kid.  It will be an all-ages origins story and it looks really cool in my head. My goal is to get a large chunk of it done this year.  The blog posts may slow down a bit so I have time to focus on this and a few other projects.  I will still post at least 2-3 times a week so please keep checking in or subscribe(button in the column to the right).
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Something I've been hearing and reading a lot over the past year or so is "the project is the new portfolio".  A good portfolio is a necessity and I need to continue to update mine with stronger pieces, but I want to have a few cool finished projects to show as well.  Also, I want to get some of this stuff out of my head before I die. I'm hoping for another 50 years or so, but I may only get 50 minutes. Yikes!  The time to DO is upon me!
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There is not a lot of time beyond family, work, sleep, and building a business, but there are a lot of ideas.     I'm going to try to squeeze in 10 hours a week for personal work.  Good bye sleep, hello satisfaction.  Of course, there will be dozens of smaller things sprinkled in here or there, but these are the big ones.

-MMH & the CK comic 

-A fun/educational book w/ my wife (my ace in the hole? hmmmm...)

-Two long-term portfolio pieces (way too awesome to detail here:)

- A large series of fast and smallish acrylic and/or watercolor paintings
-The Forgotten Wildlife web comic?

I am often frustrated, but I am never bored.   And now...

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The Raspberry Gnome is a MMH & the CK bedtime story.  He does not appear in the origins story line, but my daughter and I had a good couple laughs with him. Maybe he'll show up again down the road.

On a warm summer day, Morgan and the Kid were out taking pictures and sketching in the woods behind Morgan's house. They came across a patch of bushes with the most delicious raspberries they had ever tasted. They heard a rustling from deep within the patch and then they heard a raspy little voice.

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"Leave my berries alone!" the voice said.
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We find out that the Raspberry Gnome, who tends the bushes, is not fond of sharing and turns Morgan into a toad. The Crypto Kid runs off to hide at his house. He worries about his friend, who finally shows up at his door. The Kid and Morgan the Toad devise a plan that not only turns Morgan back into a girl, but gives the Raspberry Gnome a taste of his own medicine.
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This story had several laugh out loud parts and I think influenced the comedic turn a lot of the future stories took.
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.Here is an earlier sketch of the Raspberry Gnome:
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Bride of Cthulhu

Isn't she lovely?  Congratulations, Cthulhu!